So Back when Craig and I announced our engagement, some family and friends were confused. How can you split our family up? How can someone with such a huge difference be someone you can spend your whole life with? The biggest one I got was, what if you guys have kids? Will you be able to raise them as a team or will it be a struggle? As I thought about the major challenges, and conversed with Craig about some of them, I figured... we don't even know if that's something we want to do, have more children.
I remember back when I had Xander, someone immediately told me that I needed to have more.. And, this was literally a passerby who asked to see my newborn in a grocery store. Some older woman... told me what I needed to do, asked me when my next one was going to come (when X was 2 weeks old) and when I responded with OH I'm not sure if I'd have more, she replied with, oh but that's what women are supposed to do you know? Replenish the earth with babies, I mean that's what God wants. I actually told her, oh I don't actually believe that, we're overpopulated. Didn't even tell her anything else, and walked away. I was flabbergasted that this woman, would be so willing to assume others in her world had the same beliefs. I was immediately angry, and then that faded away. That really is what she knows. She probably doesn't know anyone that doesn't believe close to what she does, so approaching someone in a store, and hearing differently.. I wonder if that scared or confused her. While I always invite questioning, and talking and discussing.. something in the back of my head worries me. I don't want to influence anyone if they believe what they do, and that makes them happy. If I take that away because I talk too much, it just would make me feel so bad.
Anyway, I asked Craig about a few things, and he responded a lot more liberally than I thought. I mean, his reasoning for having children, seemed super LDS-y. To literally spread his DNA, and or to make sure his line of family continues, replenish our overpopulated earth...etc etc. BUT, when it comes to how raising woulld come into play... our views don't seem that different. We want our Xander to be happy, healthy... science comes before beliefs in the medical field.. etc etc. And then, blessing. I've never blessed X. When he was born, I was Christian. My beliefs changed a few years later I believe. But, I was very against the LDS church. When I looked into a blessing... I came to the realization that it was a little too close to a baptism for my taste. I didn't want him baptized. I wanted him to grow up Non-denom, and choose later with as much knowledge as possible what he thought was appropriate for him. I've always thought baby baptisms/blessings are a little scary. Making such a huge decision when their brains aren't developed is freaky to me. Anyway, Craig and I agree that waiting would be more appropriate. Even at 8 getting baptized and choosing to be a Member of a church for the rest of your entire life, is a little scary. It's something we seem to agree on right now. In fact, Craig has been very good at following my lead on parenting. Of course, he and X are so super close, and they love playing with each other. Craig seems to get along with kiddos more so than adults. It's easy for him to not feel judged and have less anxiety around little ones. I get that. That's me with kitties and puppies.
We interviewed a few days ago to become Emergency respite house parents, so we can help local kiddos in the county with emergency respite when they go through a certain program. We're to be on call, but omg I love the idea of helping people when we don't have kiddos and not keeping them permanently. Learning about other kids that aren't ours, will help expand our knowledge and I love that. I love learning about behaviors. It's crazy.
Anyway, before marriage... whether you had cultural differences, or religious differences, or anything.. what was your biggest worry, or that those around you had for you?