Sure… this post is probably updating you on things you’ve seen on FB if you and I are friends, however, there will be an in depth explanation of our lives as two very different beings and working together to keep our separate spiritualities alive.
I would like to encourage discussion. With me, with your SO, with your cashier.. whomever. The more discussion, the more religious tolerance and understanding. It’s how it works.
Now on to the personal stuff.
We had a baby! If you scroll down and read past posts, or were friends with me on fb at the time… you’ll remember it was very hard for Craig and I to get pregnant. I ended up miscarrying and it broke my heart and sent me into a depression that lasted, I believe… probably about 2 years. I went into overdrive, to figure out how to… prove to myself, that I could be pregnant. I was self shaming, and even jealous of others, in this process. Oh boy was it hard. But, that’s a discussion for another day. TLDR: we got pregnant, had a baby girl, and now are discussing raising this baby with religion or lack thereof in this post. Xander, and I just adjusted to a lifestyle without religion. He’s declared himself atheist, however… we've invited missionaries over to discuss things with him, and he’s even been to church with Craig. So that he still sees what that world is like. He’s very inquisitive this boy. But the baby has been a new hurdle. Not hard.. just interesting.
Before Craig and I got pregnant, we discussed logistics in the way of... what ifs? Would we bless? Would we raise to be baptized? Etc etc. I actually avoided this discussion in the beginning and thought, it would be so sad if it was important to Craig and I made him feel as if it was not something we could do. But, he surprised me, and was actually on the same page as me as far as not doing this. It just wasn’t important to him to do this, and that was a huge relief to me! Previously, I was married to an atheist! When we had Xander, it was actually me who didn’t want him blessed in the church, and my previous husband who felt pressure and even wanted to bless Xander from his family! I was not ok with it, and still am not. However, I would have loved to learn Craig’s reasonings, if he did in fact seek this kind of spirituality in Davina-Claire’s life. Oddly the marriage to the LDS guy, was the easier of the two discussions to be navigated. Well, not oddly. Our marriage is incredibly different, much more healthy, and just… have I mentioned we respect each other? I am deeply in love with Craig, and wouldn’t have it any other way.
If you click on the link above to the blessing discussion, the first line says, “When a Mormon baby is born” and I immediately hate that line. We’re in 2022, and we can’t be assuming children’s genders before they even figure it out, let alone figuring out and assigning their religion. It just, doesn’t make sense to me to not raise secularly, as I did with Xander, regardless of whom I am married to. it was important to me to let them choose… when they’re adults. Until then, I felt the need to make sure they learned of no religion at all. I am surrounded by religion. I live in Happy Valley. It’s the only known out here. We’ve had a few instances where people were absolutely shocked with our lack of religion and moved on without continuing any sort of discussion, because they just didn’t know how to address it. We’ve actually have had a few instances with Xander dealing with bullying at school, or on the playground in our neighborhoods, and while they broke my heart… I think Xander learned to be the opposite to others when he came across someone different. He learned not to discriminate or judge based off of beliefs alone. And that, I don’t know how I would have taught him that by myself. We needed this community to show us, that that was mean…. being judged, in this particular way.
Moving on, I discussed my concerns with Craig randomly one evening and learned he didn’t necessarily care about doing a baby blessing which… removed a huge amount of stress! I was so excited. I just, don’t love the idea of the pre-baptism and having records of baby’s information in a church I’m not even a part of, for their life until they choose to not continue being a part of that church, or choose to ignore all together. To me, baptizing at 8 yrs old doesn’t even feel ok. They’re still babies doing what they think they want due to parental and societal pressures. I wanted to do the same thing when I was a teenager! And that was almost 10 yrs past the 8 year old mark. I mean, thinking back to even when I was 21 I was still learning about the world and such… I just…couldn’t imagine doing that to a child.
As a survivor of abuse, and leading a life with a mentally ill bio mother, then some shady foster parents, who were all LDS, being manipulated, on accident, on purpose, whatever way it may be… is my biggest concern. I do not like it, and religion seems to be some use as a tool for just that.
Using a higher being to get people to do good and be good seems… well a little backwards to me. So, I disagree with it being in my life or the way I live. One of the biggest reasons that I tell people is because I don’t like having a God take credit for all the things that I do well in life, or take the blame for all the things that I mess up on. My life is just that, my life. Not anyone else’s, with the exception of those I raise and choose to make a family with.
Odd note… I always feel uncomfortable blessing someone after a sneeze… however… I also feel uncomfortable leaving it be and just staying silent. What would you do?
